He was hydrogen fresh and helium funny
The garden was tasty the outlook was sunny
You each thought the other everso good
And yes you almost definitely would

The sunshine gave you a thorough smile
Disarming the universe for a while
Nights were deep and meaningful
The moonshine made you beautiful

Then was the moment you knew and forgot
He'd love you forever like it or not
So standard contractual rubber-stamp love
Official approved by state or above

But you never shared the way he was drawn
To walk along edges of cliffs in storms
His music wasn't exactly great
You went to bed early he got up late

Sometime you missed the spiral start
Each weedkiller piss and flyspray fart
The blend of dog and coffee breath
Or fear of inhaling too much death

He picked his nose when he you thought you weren't looking
Lazily slumped to pile praise on your cooking
It seemed he wasn't as honest as a blackbird
But actually passively evil as a fox turd

Struggling to understand or explain
You hardly noticed the autumn rain
Washing the luxury summer heat
Into the ugly winter concrete

For weeks at a time he left you alone
And when he reluctantly fell home
He was just the opposite of dog
You offered few pecks, never a snog

Full to the brim with oozing lust
Drained of all remaining trust
He dissed your dream home without remorse
You withdrew and requested divorce

Then it didn't stay in the UAE
It was them and us and me me me
He burnt the past and began to redact
The mentions of people he'd lusted at

[Don't avoid rollercoaster rides
The grass isn't greener on the other side
But it's nice to play in the park now and then
Fifty percent is still five out of ten]

You reminded him you're officially married
That his feelings were obviously invalid
You told him to choose between passion and love
But caring gave neither of the above

He confirmed his opinion of your mother
You lost face so switched to another
He played like it was monopoly money
You wanted to serve him nightshade honey

[Sorry your particular psychosis
Doesn't qualify for a diagnosis
Cut your own random or flexible line
Don't get caught selling counterfeit time]

Your mother thinks you're incredibly wise
His father encouraged his gambling highs
What is it you're addicted to
Ice cream or heroin, joy or glue

On the unsun days when he's not all there
You know you don't have to wish he were here
But you don't feel able to put him unin
Like an arrogant car or fire in your bin

It's not about childhood or ongoing grief
You're a karma killer he's a happiness thief
He's nihilistic but loves antiques
You create unspecial out of unique

You treat life like a pyramid scheme
Instead of a chance to follow your dream
He is the route of an unnumbered bus
Or lifelong clutter you'd comfortably crush

He failed to get down on his knees to you
Superimposed dim fantasies too
Slept with random people for fun
Made you feel you were never the one

He loved you like a lighthouse lost at sea
You loved him like a cardigan you got for free
So give in and learn what is tricky to forget
It's time for education in the fine art of regret

He gradually liked you more and more
So you hated him like a seeping sore
With thimbles to lose and buckets to gain
It's time to demolish the foundations of pain

You foolishly promised never to part
But his is a rusted solid heart
And you have hydrochloric feet
The walk is almost almost complete

[Don't flatter yourself with Hawkings and Kants
We're slow-motion flies and disorganised ants
But no road is infinitely long
Eventually everything's proven wrong]