I don't want your boring newsletter
Full of irrelevant not-really-news.
I'd rather you did your jobs better,
Not copy and paste outdated reviews
Or give me an offer that's still twice as much
As Amazon do it for every day.
You know a supplier is losing their touch
If they make it this clear they've lost their way.

Look at you and your MBAs,
Self-assured knobs and self-proclaimed nerds
Curated focus groups for days
Creating shiny agile turds

I don't need your loyalty discount code
You don't get me and my personal shit
I liked you before you turned into a toad
What's mine ain't yours, keep your hands off it.
No genuine friend tries to sell me stuff,
Don't lie to me, I've done the math.
I knew before birth I had had enough,
You money-grabbing psychopath

Look at you and your expertise,
Shouty orders and casual hate.
You won't get me begging on my knees
No apologies, too fucking late.

I don't believe in your masterplan,
You won't be on my Christmas list
Or reading my mail, assuming you can.
Disappear muppet, you won't be missed.