This is a song I fucked up for you
It's mostly grey and a little bit blue
With a hint of bitter introspection
And an undercurrent of blinding rejection

You fish-tickling, scarf-swinging, beautiful friend,
Why the fuck, why the fuck had it to end?
I know I'm a sucker for blank misery
But fuck, you're the one who could call me for free.
I should have been there, instead I was a silent absentee.

I fear it's down to the lake again
Where we sat discussing our master plan
The water is blacker than I remember
It was in our unlikely snowy December

You diligent genius, tolerant mate,
Brimming with love, unaware of hate,
Why the fuck had you to choose brevity?
How come destruction was all you could see?
I should have been there, instead I was a sulky absentee.

The ducks and robins still don't sleep
They'd still be watching us chat and keep
The bench warm and the darkness alive
If only you'd believed you could survive.

You achingly distant, extinguished star,
Shining your smile from invisibly far,
Can you hear my apology pierce the debris?
I'm sorry for sulking, grateful for degree.
I should have been close, instead I was a stupid absentee.
And should I find you, I'll be your wings to keep you close to me.