i suppressed my intuition
didn't believe the premonition
ignored what everyone said we were
lied to them and more to her

for you i screamed internally
imagined you felt similarly to me
avoided making contact in case
you'd clarify it to my face

for any other relationship
i wouldn't let her crack the whip
or mock my feelings at every turn
she hurts you're pain my whole world burns

for just a chance i lie and i stare
as if you'd notice understand or care
let alone reciprocate
i've always done too little too late

for fucks sake fuck me fuck the shame
and fuck their feelings and their blame
the consequences and the cost
the years of life unloved now lost

for now the charades have to continue
until i design a method to win you
will you pretend the same situation
straining for full scale collaboration?