I didn't want birthday candles
And I have no use for love handles
But where's the harm in a bit more hair
Or fewer wrinkles. Surely that's fair?

There's so much more I have to prove
But alas! I never got into the groove
So found myself instead in a rut:
No six-pack to flex, no chin to jut,
No deep blue eyes to flash your way,
No hug, no kiss, no making hay,
Not even someone sitting near:
It really is as it appears.

I didn't want to be alone
And I have no use for a silent 'phone
Oh God, is there a chance for me?
Will anyone advance on me?