The faltering telephone swallowed my mail:
I lost forever the gossipy tale,
So here's a tacky almost-rhyme
To waste yet more of your precious time.

Doom, gloom and even despondency
Won't be enough to silence me.
I'll scribble until the cows come home -
A bloody long time with the Doom for home..

The Doom apartments are protolithic.
Site is slower than a Honda Civic.
My arse is as numb as my brain was last week
From sitting to work, then falling asleep.

Inflatable sofas aren't comfy in blue;
My bath is too small, I assume yours is too.
Use your fag money for a cheap sofabed:
Maybe IKEA, or share one instead.

Nobody's paddled out far enough
To find my dangerous surfy stuff.

Vectras aren't crafted for sliding around.
Russelsheim isn't the prettiest town.
Frankfurt is open for only six days:
Or six and half, but an alcohol haze
Prevented a few of us getting up early.
Alcohol, honest, not even one girlie.

Somebody's broke and it wasn't the meal.
Nobody seems to recall a great deal.
I left before triple JDs were in favour,
And the plants were cheap, and the wounds not major.

Project management's keen to avoid
Mention of riots or crass self-employed.

Berlin will happen, whatever you do.
It ain't just the project: you know it ain't too.

Alcohol willing and no relapse,
We'll turn up late on Thursday perhaps.
No more scribble or drivel or tease.
Email your order for duty frees.