Don't pick me out as your valentine;
You'd do better picking your nose.
You don't even get a card from me,
Just a crumpled artificial rose.

Pick me up and hold me near,
Your hands so soft, your eyelids close...
I'm sorry, this is all there is -
A drunken teddy and a crumpled rose.

The rose is in a state, like me.
It's artificial too.
The teddy bear was entirely free,
As I would be for you.

I've nothing to offer whatsoever.
The teddy is probably more mature.
The rose, I'm afraid, is in better condition.
And I don't suppose the whisky's as pure.

Drink the whisky. Cuddle the bear.
Throw away the rose - it's junk.
I'll just dream that I am there
And that we're getting very drunk.